An Unusual Prescription For Love

This is a little lengthy but I feel it will touch your hearts if you listen to what God has to say today. How do we teach this generation to love authentically? Scripture lays out several prescriptions for learning how to love. Let's look at a unique prescription found in 1 John 5:3, "For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments." God knows loving does not come naturally, so He gave us a pattern to follow that can actually produce love in us and through us. The pattern is the path called obedience. Love is more than a feeling. It is a choice to do the right thing.

We practice love first by obeying God and second by obeying and respecting those in positions of authority because they embody this principle. Obedience is directly related to love and is a key to being able to receive love. 1 John 5:2 says, "By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and observe His commandments." Do you see the connection between love and obedience in the lives of the people around you? For example, when someone is disobeying God or undermining an authority, they are not able to fully receive love. Why? I believe it is because God has mysteriously connected love and obedience so in order to give and receive love, we must be rightly ordered and if we are in disobedience we are not able to love authentically. We all recognize who the most loving people are...and they do not seem to have a chip on their shoulder, an offense against someone or a bad attitude. They are a conduit of free flowing love, grace and truth. People, teens in particular, confuse the order of love and obedience thinking, "Once I receive enough love I will be good and will obey and give respect to authority". They do not realize they must do these things first to actually feel and experience love, which ultimately comes from God. Sadly, those who confuse this "love reality" maintain bad attitudes, and are defensive, negative, bored, grumpy, unhappy etc. You get the idea. I wonder how many of your students or staff could be described this way?

The Lord convicted me of this principle years ago when one of my own children was getting away with disobedience. At 3 years old he was adorable, but for a time was noticeably not as happy and carefree as normal, which caused me to realize he was "wearing" guilt from sin. I told him the next time he disobeyed he would receive the natural consequence, and I apologized for not doing my job as his father. Soon an infraction occurred, and he received his punishment followed by showers of forgiveness. Afterward, he was noticeably different in his demeanor and his normal joy returned. The Lord impressed on me that he was now free to be good and not to take the training of His little ones lightly. I have not forgotten that lesson.

We need to help our kids be free to be good by teaching them to honor those in authority, not because leaders are perfect, but because they are God's "tool" in this love prescription. Here is how it works:

Romans 13:1-4 says, "Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore he who resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God... for it (authority) is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it (authority) is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil."

This means God will use authority in a nice way or a hard way to teach us to obey. Obedience to God is the most important choice in our sanctification process, and we can practice with people! Here is a checklist to evaluate how you are doing in relation to obedience and some reminders regarding authority:

How does your team talk about those in authority? It is not wrong to disagree and go speak to that person. In fact, good leaders welcome disagreement and dialogue. However, it is wrong to murmur, gossip, complain or discount them, even if it is done via a "prayer request".

If an adult has a "tude" (large attitude) then deal with it quickly or that spirit will taint your environment. I encourage dialogue and individual ideas, but won't have an antagonist on my team. Antagonism and the resulting disrespect is death to unity, and unity is one of our greatest weapons.

Do you encourage students to honor their parents? Do you undermine or uphold the parent's role? I have been saddened many times over the years when I hear comments from teachers or youth workers that portray parents as uncaring, uninvolved, not doing their job etc. My response is always, "What are you doing to help them be successful?" If we undermine God's prescribed order of authority in the life of the student, we will be in trouble.

Do you notice obedience and honor it publicly? What "perk" can you offer students who do the right thing? Don't take good behavior for granted. Telling your students how much you appreciate their good behavior is always good and plants seeds of righteousness.

If someone disobeys a rule or authority, give grace with the natural consequence. If students don't experience grace in a Christian setting, we have missed a great opportunity to model the gospel. Our role is not to prove we are right, but to portray grace as we deliver natural and fair consequences. My comment to any student would be, "I am sorry you chose to do this. You will have my support as you experience the consequence and my help to not make this choice in the future. This behavior is beneath your dignity and your design."

A young man will respond better if disciplined by a man. Young women similarly with women. (More on this principle in future blogs.)

Today, if you are lacking influence or not being respected as a father, mother, or a leader, your first diagnosis should be your own view of this principle of authority. I believe God gives authority and influence in equal proportion to how we honor authority because ultimately, how we view authority, is how we view God. When my view of someone's authority has been disrespectful, my own ministry "fruit" is rotten and my influence for the Kingdom greatly lacking. Also remember when you encourage obedience and respect from your kids, you are actually freeing them to give and receive love. Today, I am choosing to obey God's Spirit and respect authority so I can be free to love others. Won't you join me?