Trust and Intimacy in Communication (3)

'Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.' Colossians 4:6 NLT

 

I Love Colossians 4:6 because it challenges me; "Let Your Conversation" are some big words. They mean you have a responsibility to work on how you treat other people. Building trust and intimacy in communication requires you to change how you look  and respond to people.  (1) Work to build trust. Trust is not a ‘right’: it’s a privilege you earn by proving you’re trustworthy. We pay little attention to politicians who say, ‘You can count on me,’ unless their track record supports it. Christ’s standard for trust was ‘…believe because of the work you have seen Me do.’ (John 14:11 NLT) We know from social psychology research that speaking gently and slowly can deepen the listener’s openness and respect for you. The tone of your voice matters a lot. The University of Houston did a conclusive study that found if you lower your voice and speak slowly, your listener will respond with greater openness and trust. This research has helped oncologists present bad news to patients in a more supportive way. When doctors reduced their speaking rate and pitch, patients perceived them as more caring and sympathetic. The Bible calls this ‘a soft answer’ (Proverbs 15:1 NKJV), and it will work for you too.

(2) Train your brain to really listen. Listening is hard work because we habitually focus on ourselves and our interests through constant self–talk. Studies show that the average person cuts in before the speaker finishes. Even doctors who are trained to listen for important medical information tend to cut patients off within 23 seconds—long before they have been fully heard. Train yourself to stay focused on the other person, their words, facial expressions and body language. Within just a few weeks you can train yourself to become the kind of communicator people will trust and the person who loves as Christ loved.

You are Loved!

Trust and Intimacy in Communication (2)

'Pleasant words are...healing...' Proverbs 16:24 NAS

"Pleasant words are healing" When you are in a conversation with someone that escalates, it's hard to focus on words or body language that defuse the situation. To learn the power of effective communication we must: (1) Make use of the ‘eye–gate’. Eye contact stimulates the brain’s social–network circuits, decreasing the stress hormone and increasing the sympathy hormone. Intentionally looking at the other person enables you to quickly respond to the seven basic facial expressions—anger, fear, sadness, disgust, surprise, contempt and happiness. These are keys; use them. (2) Express appreciation. The first words you speak set the tone for the entire interaction. A single compliment can create trust. Loyola University researchers found that when people in conversation are in basic agreement, interactions between them are experienced as mutually satisfying. Alternatively, disagreement immediately creates defensiveness in the listener. So begin each conversation with a compliment, and end it with a phrase that conveys genuine appreciation. Research demonstrates that remarks made at the end of an interaction are especially effective because they linger in the hearer’s mind. ‘Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul (emotions) and healing to the bones.’ (Proverbs 16:24 NAS) (3) Keep it brief. Our conscious minds retain only a tiny bit of information, which is ‘booted out’ of our memory as new information is uploaded. So it’s better to speak a sentence or two at a time, then take a breath. ‘…let your words be few.’ (Ecclesiastes 5:2 NAS)

Trust and Intimacy in Communication (1)

'...say the right thing at the right time!' Proverbs 15:23 NLT

 

That's a picture of our dog Jimmy. When he jumps up on my lap he always makes me smile, that puts a positive effect in me. People are always trying to find ways to make themselves feel good. Researchers have finally found ground–breaking neurological research, you can ‘train’ yourself to speak and listen in a way that stimulates sympathy and trust in the brain of the person you’re talking to. Wouldn't that be amazing! But as I read this article it occurred to me, God has already taught us how to communicate with trust and intimacy...

 

Here are some proven principles to help you do it:

(1) Before Speaking Think on His Word. When you’re handling a stressful situation, remaining calm is essential. Stress generates uptightness, uptightness leads to anger, and anger shuts down your ability to get your point across. So take a few moments, the bible says, We are ‘wonderfully made’. (Psalm 139:14 KJV) He has everything in His control.

(2) Think Encouraging thoughts. ‘…As he thinks in his heart, so is he…’ (Proverbs 23:7 NKJV) Any negative thought you harbor can interfere with the parts of your brain used in language processing, listening, and speech, which can lead to defensiveness and distrust. Thinking positive God thoughts about the other person, or yourself, or the topic at hand, can help you to achieve success in your personal relationships.

(3) Seal it with a smile. Your face reveals your feelings. ‘…Jacob noticed that Laban’s attitude toward him was not what it had been.’ (Genesis 31:2 NIV) Research shows that pleasing memories and thoughts of people you love create facial expressions that convey kindness, compassion and interest, stimulating trust and openness in others. So walk the path of Trust and intimacy, it will lead you to a path of belonging. You are Loved!

Let Christ's Word Live in You (2)

'...if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.' 1 John 5:14 NIV

One of the things that moves us forward on our journey of faith is we must have a relationship with God's word. It's hard to live a life of faith unless we have a understanding of what God desires of us. So while you are waiting for God's Word to be fulfilled in your life, or you are in the beginning stages, do these three things:

(1) Verbalize it. The most effective way to pray is to speak God's Word. The patriarchs, prophets and psalmists regularly reminded God of His promises in prayer, confident He would keep them. The surest indicator of God's will is His Word. 'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us...we know that we have what we asked of Him.' (1 John 5:14-15 NIV) God always responds to His Word, always!
(2) Obey it. God's plan for us is not just to speak His Word, vital as this is, but that we obey it (James 1:22). The hymn-writer said: 'When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word, what a glory He sheds on our way; while we do His good will, He abides with us still, and with all who will trust and obey.' Obedience - faith in action - aligns us with God and He responds by fulfilling His promise to us.
(3) Share it. 'Take to heart these words that I give you today. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you're at home or away, when you lie down or get up.' (Deuteronomy 6:6-7 GWT) You needn't be a qualified teacher, just a sincere teller. Sharing God's Word will produce fruit in the lives of your family, friends, relatives, business associates and neighbors, and also increase your own grasp and understanding of it. You are Loved!

Let Christ's Word Live in You (1)

'Let Christ's word...live in you.' Colossians 3:16 GWT

Making the right decisions and choosing the right actions are the crux of living successfully. If you are the source of your own wisdom, or you're looking to others, your odds are not good. Paul writes, 'Let Christ's word with all its wisdom and richness live in you.' If you do, you'll have the winning strategy for your life. But you must: (1) Read it. You don't have to understand it all; it's not an intellectual exercise. Reading it prayerfully brings power and wisdom because '...the Word that God speaks is alive and active... [penetrating] to the place where soul and spirit meet.' (Hebrews 4:12 PHPS) (2) Meditate on it. That means 'chew on' it. Let your spiritual digestive juices process God's Word until its nutrients become part of you: strengthening, energising and directing you. (3) Believe it. 'My Word...always produces... It will accomplish all I want it to.' (Isaiah 55:11 NLT) There's only one thing that can short-circuit God's Word - unbelief. 'The message...did them no good, because they only heard and did not believe as well.' (Hebrews 4:2 PHPS). 'Hearing' opens the door; 'believing' walks through it and activates the promise. (4) Receive it. No matter how strongly you believe in God's promises and His intention to give them to you, they're not yours until you receive them by faith. 'Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.' (Mark 11:24 NIV) So believe your answer is on the way, and keep your faith strong until it arrives. You are Loved!

The Word and the Spirit

'...we have the mind of Christ.' 1 Corinthians 2:16 NLT

Yesterday I spoke on Ezekiel 47, it was amazing! We need God's Spirit and His Word more in our lives then ever before. The intertwining of both is huge, because when your mind is not open to the Holy Spirit, you cannot understand God's Word. So if you find reading the Bible unrewarding, try this: before you open your Bible, open your heart and pray, 'Holy Spirit, show me what I don't see and teach me what I don't know.'
Paul writes: '...it was to us that God revealed these things by His Spirit. For His Spirit searches out everything and shows us God's deep secrets. No one can know a person's thoughts except that person's own spirit, and no one can know God's thoughts except God's own Spirit. And we have received God's Spirit (not the world's spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us. When we tell you these things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom...we speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit's words to explain spiritual truths. But people who aren't spiritual can't receive these truths... It all sounds foolish to them and they can't understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means. Those who are spiritual can evaluate all things, but they themselves cannot be evaluated by others. For, Who can know the Lord's thoughts? Who knows enough to teach Him? But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.' (1 Corinthians 2:10-16 NLT)
The Bible isn't like any other book. Its words are God-breathed; therefore when you approach the Bible, you must ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes and give you understanding. He will!
You are Loved!

When God Speaks

This morning I was feeling a strong need to connect with the Lord and get a refreshed picture of His plans for me today. I don't always recognize the Lord's hand in my life... but this time it was clear and I listened. It's awesome when the Lord speaks and gives us His "plan for the day", Isaiah says,

Isaiah 40:25-26, 28-31
“To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Trust in Him;
Rest in Him;
Take refuge in Him,
Letting the Lord of heaven and earth,
Our creator and sustainer,
Be our refuge and strength.
And acknowledge the things He does on our behalf.

Psalm 91:14-16
“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

We do have an enemy - and because we belong to God, we're subject to attack from the spiritual realm. I suspect this is more true now than ever before. Not just for me, but our whole nation, as we face much turbulence, and significant issues that threaten our freedom to continue to acknowledge and honor our Creator in all that we do. But in Ephesians the apostle Paul tells us what to do -

Ephesians 6:10-18
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

So let's do this. Let's stand strong in Him, in His armor and His strength.  You are Loved!

Ask God for Your Mountain (2)

'...I am as strong this day as on the day that Moses sent me...' Joshua 14:11 NKJV

God has a mountain with your name on it. Do you know why? Because you only flourish as you face challenges in your life! Joshua and Caleb both brought back a good report, yet only Joshua was promoted to leadership when Moses departed. Caleb could have withdrawn and sulked, but instead he invested himself in the lives of the people around him. As an older man whose generation was dying off, he had to develop a whole new circle of friends and he did it. He became a mentor, guide and cheerleader for an entirely new generation. At 85-years-old, he did it with such gusto that he was able to lead the charge in conquering the hill country and defeating the giants who'd terrified an earlier generation.
Challenges undertaken for the greater good bind us to people, whereas the pursuit of comfort leads to isolation, and isolation is terminal. You say, 'I'm too old or too young to make a difference.' God doesn't think so. 'Even to your old age...I will carry you; I will sustain you...' (Isaiah 46:4 NIV) So start making plans. Dare to dream! Life isn't about comfort, it's about saying, 'God, give me another mountain.' Somebody said that when everything's coming your way - you're on the wrong side of the road. Living the adventure God planned for you isn't just another pursuit; it's the reason you were born! How will you recognize your mountain? There's no precise formula and like every other area of growth in your life, your mountain won't look exactly like anyone else's. But you'll recognize it, because it lies at the intersection of your greatest strengths and your greatest passions.
You are Loved!

Ask God for Your Mountain (1)

'...give me this mountain...' Joshua 14:12 NJKV

Think about it, why would someone ask God for a mountain? In life we sometimes need to tackle something bigger than our self. When we do: (1) you grow; (2) you learn to depend on God; (3) you get to celebrate big victories. Caleb said: '...here I am today, 85 years old! I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. Now give me this hill country that the Lord promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, with the Lord helping me, I will drive them out just as He said.' (Joshua 14:10-12 NIV) Anybody can occupy the flat ground, but it takes faith in God to tackle a mountain. What's more, that's where the sons of Anak - the giants - lived. These guys were so big they caused ten of Moses' spies to say, '...next to them we felt like grasshoppers...' (Numbers 13:33 NLT) You'd think at 85 Caleb would have asked for a nice cottage in Shalom Acres! But no, he wanted another battle and another victory before he checked out. Stop asking God for a problem-free life, otherwise you might die of boredom. It's in working to solve problems and overcome challenges that you become the person God wants you to be. So ask Him for a task that will keep you learning, growing, uncomfortable, and hungry for significance. When you pray, 'God, use me,' be prepared to encounter four things: adventure, danger, risk, and reward. How about it - are you up for a little excitement?
You are Loved!

How do You Respond?

'...every good tree bears good fruit...' Matthew 7:17 NIV

How do we learn to live this scripture out in our life? Take a moment to consider these two questions. Question one: How do you respond when you're treated badly? A man stopped by a news-stand every morning to pick up a paper. The man behind the counter was always nasty, yet the customer was always nice to him. When a friend asked him why he remained so kind in the face of such rudeness, he replied, 'Why would I let his attitude dictate my attitude?' Question two: How do you respond when you're tempted? You say, 'Everyone is doing it, and I know it's wrong, but I can't help it.' Actually, you can. You can spend hour's listening to stories from people who lost control of there lives in sin. Look into the eyes of their children. Hear the betrayal, and see the broken promises in their eyes. When you do, you'll think new thoughts! The Bible says, '...Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.' (Galatians 5:16 NKJV) At any moment you can turn your mind to God and your thoughts will change. Feelings are like spoiled children; they can take a little longer to come round, but if you keep your mind 'fixed' on God, your feelings will eventually line up with your thoughts. Looking back, you'll be glad you were guided by God instead of your impulses. It's as if there's a little network called HSN (Holy Spirit Network) where you can tune in at any time. When you ask God to guide your thoughts, then pause and listen to what He says - He will guide you.
You are Loved!

Fear or Success, Your Choice!

'They...limited the Holy One of Israel.' Psalm 78:41 NKJV
I love the picture of my wife with her mustache. We were out at a restaurant and the boys bought them out of one of those candy machines. We teased her to put it on so we could take this picture. I love my wife because she is not afraid of what people think or to try new things. As I was looking for reasons why we succeed or fail I found that researchers conducted an experiment in which frogs were placed in separate glass jars covered with lids to prevent them from escaping. At first the frogs kept jumping, trying to escape, but each time they hit their heads on the lid. After thirty days of doing this, something amazing happened. When the lids were removed from the jars, the frogs never jumped out even though they could easily have done so. Why? Because they had formed a belief system that the top of the jar was as high as they could go - their limiting belief system kept them trapped in the jar! The Israelites did that too: 'Again and again they... limited the Holy One of Israel. They did not remember His power...' (Psalm 78:41-42 NKJV) Are you holding on to limiting belief systems, even though they are no longer true and are sabotaging your future? 'I'm too young, too old, I'm a woman, I'm the wrong nationality, I don't have the education, I don't have the talent, I don't have the connections, I failed too badly, etc.'
Fear of success stems from: (1) Fear of not being worthy of success. (2) Fear of being unable to meet the expectations and fulfil the responsibilities that accompany success. (3) Fear of being rejected by those unhappy about your success. (4) Fear of losing control of normal, private life. (5) Fear of saying no to friends and family who feel entitled to control you.
Get rid of your limiting belief systems! Not only will God give you success, He will give you the skill and strength to handle it.
You are Loved!

Be Kind!

'Be kind...forgiving each other...' Ephesians 4:32 NIV

I love the first part of our scripture today...Be Kind! Kindness comes from a heart that desires to love others and  forgive those who harm us. Here are four things you need to know about forgiveness that will change your heart:
(1) Forgiveness doesn't make what happened to you right; it means you've made a decision not to let it control your life. By forgiving and attempting to restore the relationship, you reclaim your peace of mind. If the other person refuses to acknowledge what happened was wrong, the offence can and should still be forgiven. Forgiveness doesn't depend on the other person; it depends on you.
(2) Forgiveness matters, even when the offending party refuses to admit guilt. When you wait for someone to admit he or she was wrong, you're placing your future in that person's hands. Forgiveness is first and foremost for your own benefit, not the benefit of others. By forgiving, you're letting the pain and hurt go and moving forward.
(3) Your willingness to forgive can move the other person to seek forgiveness. Perhaps the person who hurt you doesn't feel they deserve to be forgiven. Or they may know what they did was wrong, but lack the courage to step forward and ask for forgiveness. When you make the first move, it opens the door and allows them to reach out and find mercy and understanding.
(4) Forgiveness is easier when you accept that we all need it. When you refuse to forgive because you think someone's offences are greater than your own, that's pride. And '...God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' (1 Peter 5:5 NLT) The Bible says, 'Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.' Once you realize the depth of God's grace toward you, it's easier to extend grace to others.
You are Loved!

Fears and Doubts

'A great storm arose...' Matthew 8:24 NCV

Love what Matthew records here because it has great meaning for each of us, ‘Jesus got into a boat, and His [disciples] went with Him. A great storm arose…’ (Matthew 8:23–24 NCV) There are some who love when a good storm rolls through with all the thunder and lighting...others not so much. In the Greek language the words ‘a great storm’ are one word—seismos. A seismologist studies earthquakes and a seismograph measures them. So the storm the disciples were in must have shaken them to the core. It had to have brought them to the place they thought they would die. There’s an important spiritual lesson here that Jesus wants to teach us today. Getting on board with Jesus doesn’t mean you will never go through a storm. Jesus said, ‘…In the world you will have tribulation…’ (John 16:33 NKJV) In spite of God’s promise to protect and prosper us, you’ll still have to deal with things like disease, lack, and fear. The difference is: the unbeliever faces the storm without Christ, but as a believer you go through the storm confident that all will be well because Jesus is on board. Does that mean you will never experience panic? If only it were so! But it isn’t. Looking at the swelling waves and the sleeping Savior, the disciples asked, ‘…do You not care that we are perishing?’ (Mark 4:38 NKJV) This is why fear is so deadly. It corrodes your confidence in God’s goodness. It unleashes a swarm of doubts. It deadens your recall. By this time the disciples had witnessed Jesus ‘…healing all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease among the people.’ (Matthew 4:23 NKJV) Fear creates a form of spiritual amnesia. It dulls your miracle memory. It makes you forget what Jesus has done and how good God is. That’s why you must starve your doubts and feed your faith on God’s Word, for faith is what will take you through the storm.

You are Loved!

Living Generously!

'Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart....' 2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV

Are You living a life of Generosity?
The Bible says: ‘…Whoever sows … generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.’ (2 Corinthians 9:6–8 NIV) When you give what God tells you to, He’ll give you back more. When you realize that, it’ll revolutionise your approach to giving and the life Generosity. We think Paul is talking about people who’re trying to get rich; that's the opposite to the truth; he’s talking about ‘cheerful givers’ who want to finance God’s purposes on this earth. Do you want to find the way to greater blessing. Then learn to be Generous!  Contributing to God’s work isn’t giving something away; it’s investing—with a guaranteed return. A farmer who sows doesn’t lose his seed, he gains a harvest. Can you imagine a farmer praying this prayer? ‘God, give me a crop. I’m trusting You to get involved, but I’m holding on to my seed just in case.’ Is that what you’re doing? If so, here’s some good news. When you sow generously, God gets involved in your finances. Can you imagine a more secure position to be in? The Bible says, ‘The generous will prosper…’ (Proverbs 11:25 NLT) When you give, it enables God to return to you even more, which in turn enables you to give even more!

You are Loved!