A person’s sense of self–worth is often based on the reactions, positive or negative, of those around them. So your words and attitudes can literally build them up or tear someone down. Dr Paul Brand was a flight surgeon during World War II. He tells in one of his books of a man named Peter Foster, a Royal Air Force pilot. Foster flew a Hurricane, a fighter plane with a design flaw: the single–propeller engine was mounted in the front, and the fuel lines ran past the cockpit. In a direct hit, the pilot would instantly be engulfed in flames before he could eject. The consequences were often tragic. Some RAF pilots caught in that inferno would undergo ten or twenty surgeries to reconstruct their faces. Peter Foster was one of those downed pilots whose face was burned beyond recognition. But Foster had the support of his family and the love of his fiancée. She assured him that nothing had changed except a few millimeters of skin. Two years later they were married. Foster said of his wife, ‘She became my mirror. She gave me a new image of myself. When I look at her, she gives me a warm, loving smile that tells me I’m ok.’ Your marriage, and other valued relationships in your life, ought to work that same way too—even when disfigurement has not occurred. It should be like a mutual admiration society that builds each other’s self–esteem, and overlooks flaws that could otherwise be destructive. There’s a Biblical word for this kind of commitment: it’s called love.
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