Trust and Intimacy in Communication (3)

'Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.' Colossians 4:6 NLT

 

I Love Colossians 4:6 because it challenges me; "Let Your Conversation" are some big words. They mean you have a responsibility to work on how you treat other people. Building trust and intimacy in communication requires you to change how you look  and respond to people.  (1) Work to build trust. Trust is not a ‘right’: it’s a privilege you earn by proving you’re trustworthy. We pay little attention to politicians who say, ‘You can count on me,’ unless their track record supports it. Christ’s standard for trust was ‘…believe because of the work you have seen Me do.’ (John 14:11 NLT) We know from social psychology research that speaking gently and slowly can deepen the listener’s openness and respect for you. The tone of your voice matters a lot. The University of Houston did a conclusive study that found if you lower your voice and speak slowly, your listener will respond with greater openness and trust. This research has helped oncologists present bad news to patients in a more supportive way. When doctors reduced their speaking rate and pitch, patients perceived them as more caring and sympathetic. The Bible calls this ‘a soft answer’ (Proverbs 15:1 NKJV), and it will work for you too.

(2) Train your brain to really listen. Listening is hard work because we habitually focus on ourselves and our interests through constant self–talk. Studies show that the average person cuts in before the speaker finishes. Even doctors who are trained to listen for important medical information tend to cut patients off within 23 seconds—long before they have been fully heard. Train yourself to stay focused on the other person, their words, facial expressions and body language. Within just a few weeks you can train yourself to become the kind of communicator people will trust and the person who loves as Christ loved.

You are Loved!

Trust and Intimacy in Communication (2)

'Pleasant words are...healing...' Proverbs 16:24 NAS

"Pleasant words are healing" When you are in a conversation with someone that escalates, it's hard to focus on words or body language that defuse the situation. To learn the power of effective communication we must: (1) Make use of the ‘eye–gate’. Eye contact stimulates the brain’s social–network circuits, decreasing the stress hormone and increasing the sympathy hormone. Intentionally looking at the other person enables you to quickly respond to the seven basic facial expressions—anger, fear, sadness, disgust, surprise, contempt and happiness. These are keys; use them. (2) Express appreciation. The first words you speak set the tone for the entire interaction. A single compliment can create trust. Loyola University researchers found that when people in conversation are in basic agreement, interactions between them are experienced as mutually satisfying. Alternatively, disagreement immediately creates defensiveness in the listener. So begin each conversation with a compliment, and end it with a phrase that conveys genuine appreciation. Research demonstrates that remarks made at the end of an interaction are especially effective because they linger in the hearer’s mind. ‘Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul (emotions) and healing to the bones.’ (Proverbs 16:24 NAS) (3) Keep it brief. Our conscious minds retain only a tiny bit of information, which is ‘booted out’ of our memory as new information is uploaded. So it’s better to speak a sentence or two at a time, then take a breath. ‘…let your words be few.’ (Ecclesiastes 5:2 NAS)

Trust and Intimacy in Communication (1)

'...say the right thing at the right time!' Proverbs 15:23 NLT

 

That's a picture of our dog Jimmy. When he jumps up on my lap he always makes me smile, that puts a positive effect in me. People are always trying to find ways to make themselves feel good. Researchers have finally found ground–breaking neurological research, you can ‘train’ yourself to speak and listen in a way that stimulates sympathy and trust in the brain of the person you’re talking to. Wouldn't that be amazing! But as I read this article it occurred to me, God has already taught us how to communicate with trust and intimacy...

 

Here are some proven principles to help you do it:

(1) Before Speaking Think on His Word. When you’re handling a stressful situation, remaining calm is essential. Stress generates uptightness, uptightness leads to anger, and anger shuts down your ability to get your point across. So take a few moments, the bible says, We are ‘wonderfully made’. (Psalm 139:14 KJV) He has everything in His control.

(2) Think Encouraging thoughts. ‘…As he thinks in his heart, so is he…’ (Proverbs 23:7 NKJV) Any negative thought you harbor can interfere with the parts of your brain used in language processing, listening, and speech, which can lead to defensiveness and distrust. Thinking positive God thoughts about the other person, or yourself, or the topic at hand, can help you to achieve success in your personal relationships.

(3) Seal it with a smile. Your face reveals your feelings. ‘…Jacob noticed that Laban’s attitude toward him was not what it had been.’ (Genesis 31:2 NIV) Research shows that pleasing memories and thoughts of people you love create facial expressions that convey kindness, compassion and interest, stimulating trust and openness in others. So walk the path of Trust and intimacy, it will lead you to a path of belonging. You are Loved!

Let Christ's Word Live in You (2)

'...if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.' 1 John 5:14 NIV

One of the things that moves us forward on our journey of faith is we must have a relationship with God's word. It's hard to live a life of faith unless we have a understanding of what God desires of us. So while you are waiting for God's Word to be fulfilled in your life, or you are in the beginning stages, do these three things:

(1) Verbalize it. The most effective way to pray is to speak God's Word. The patriarchs, prophets and psalmists regularly reminded God of His promises in prayer, confident He would keep them. The surest indicator of God's will is His Word. 'This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us...we know that we have what we asked of Him.' (1 John 5:14-15 NIV) God always responds to His Word, always!
(2) Obey it. God's plan for us is not just to speak His Word, vital as this is, but that we obey it (James 1:22). The hymn-writer said: 'When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word, what a glory He sheds on our way; while we do His good will, He abides with us still, and with all who will trust and obey.' Obedience - faith in action - aligns us with God and He responds by fulfilling His promise to us.
(3) Share it. 'Take to heart these words that I give you today. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you're at home or away, when you lie down or get up.' (Deuteronomy 6:6-7 GWT) You needn't be a qualified teacher, just a sincere teller. Sharing God's Word will produce fruit in the lives of your family, friends, relatives, business associates and neighbors, and also increase your own grasp and understanding of it. You are Loved!

Let Christ's Word Live in You (1)

'Let Christ's word...live in you.' Colossians 3:16 GWT

Making the right decisions and choosing the right actions are the crux of living successfully. If you are the source of your own wisdom, or you're looking to others, your odds are not good. Paul writes, 'Let Christ's word with all its wisdom and richness live in you.' If you do, you'll have the winning strategy for your life. But you must: (1) Read it. You don't have to understand it all; it's not an intellectual exercise. Reading it prayerfully brings power and wisdom because '...the Word that God speaks is alive and active... [penetrating] to the place where soul and spirit meet.' (Hebrews 4:12 PHPS) (2) Meditate on it. That means 'chew on' it. Let your spiritual digestive juices process God's Word until its nutrients become part of you: strengthening, energising and directing you. (3) Believe it. 'My Word...always produces... It will accomplish all I want it to.' (Isaiah 55:11 NLT) There's only one thing that can short-circuit God's Word - unbelief. 'The message...did them no good, because they only heard and did not believe as well.' (Hebrews 4:2 PHPS). 'Hearing' opens the door; 'believing' walks through it and activates the promise. (4) Receive it. No matter how strongly you believe in God's promises and His intention to give them to you, they're not yours until you receive them by faith. 'Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.' (Mark 11:24 NIV) So believe your answer is on the way, and keep your faith strong until it arrives. You are Loved!

The Word and the Spirit

'...we have the mind of Christ.' 1 Corinthians 2:16 NLT

Yesterday I spoke on Ezekiel 47, it was amazing! We need God's Spirit and His Word more in our lives then ever before. The intertwining of both is huge, because when your mind is not open to the Holy Spirit, you cannot understand God's Word. So if you find reading the Bible unrewarding, try this: before you open your Bible, open your heart and pray, 'Holy Spirit, show me what I don't see and teach me what I don't know.'
Paul writes: '...it was to us that God revealed these things by His Spirit. For His Spirit searches out everything and shows us God's deep secrets. No one can know a person's thoughts except that person's own spirit, and no one can know God's thoughts except God's own Spirit. And we have received God's Spirit (not the world's spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us. When we tell you these things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom...we speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit's words to explain spiritual truths. But people who aren't spiritual can't receive these truths... It all sounds foolish to them and they can't understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means. Those who are spiritual can evaluate all things, but they themselves cannot be evaluated by others. For, Who can know the Lord's thoughts? Who knows enough to teach Him? But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.' (1 Corinthians 2:10-16 NLT)
The Bible isn't like any other book. Its words are God-breathed; therefore when you approach the Bible, you must ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes and give you understanding. He will!
You are Loved!

When God Speaks

This morning I was feeling a strong need to connect with the Lord and get a refreshed picture of His plans for me today. I don't always recognize the Lord's hand in my life... but this time it was clear and I listened. It's awesome when the Lord speaks and gives us His "plan for the day", Isaiah says,

Isaiah 40:25-26, 28-31
“To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Trust in Him;
Rest in Him;
Take refuge in Him,
Letting the Lord of heaven and earth,
Our creator and sustainer,
Be our refuge and strength.
And acknowledge the things He does on our behalf.

Psalm 91:14-16
“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

We do have an enemy - and because we belong to God, we're subject to attack from the spiritual realm. I suspect this is more true now than ever before. Not just for me, but our whole nation, as we face much turbulence, and significant issues that threaten our freedom to continue to acknowledge and honor our Creator in all that we do. But in Ephesians the apostle Paul tells us what to do -

Ephesians 6:10-18
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

So let's do this. Let's stand strong in Him, in His armor and His strength.  You are Loved!