The Most Important Skill You Can Teach Your Child (4)

  

'... [There is] a time to be silent and a time to speak.' Ecclesiastes 3:7 NAS

   

 

 

The hardest lesson to learn in life is when to speak and not to speak. Solomon was a man who asked for wisdom and God granted it to him. In Ecclesiastes 3:7 NAS Solomon wrote, '... [There is] a time to be silent and a time to speak.' How do we take this vital lesson that was being taught to adults and apply it in our children's lives? Begin by teaching your child to ask: (1) 'Is this the best time to make this decision?' Decisions made in haste are often regretted. 'There is a time to be silent and a time to speak.' Poor decisions are situationally driven, caused by momentary stress, peer pressure, mood swings and temporary emotions like loneliness etc. When the situation changes, our feelings change and our decisions often look doubtful. Can the decision be made later, reducing or eliminating the risk? One of things that my father did was apply a lot of pressure on me and in the end the result was opposite of what he wanted. Think about this for a moment; pressuring children often increases their desperation and leads to premature decisions, but assuring them that time is on their side lowers both their reactivity and the likelihood of future regret. Helping them see that God '...has made everything appropriate in its time...' (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NAS) offers them space to think wisely about their options, allowing for God's guidance. (2) 'If I were advising a friend (John or Susie), would I suggest they take this same option?' Shifting perspective often broadens the perceptions of our options. When emotionally influenced, our children often narrow their perspective, excluding many important possibilities. Often adults as my dad did in my life press logical, rational thinking on kids, meeting resistance. But by bringing 'John' or 'Susie' into the equation we open their perspective up. And one more thought: it's beneficial to 'debrief' with your child, helping them to evaluate the effectiveness of their decisionmaking process. This was a tough one with our own children. When something had happened and they didn't want to talk about it; well you know it's like pulling teeth to get anything out of them. But don't give up. Talk through how they handled the situation. Ask, 'How do you feel about that result?' If they're pleased, compliment them; if not, say, 'I'm sorry about that. Any idea what you'll change next time?' Instead of judging their failure, reward their success. If you do you're leading your children on a awesome journey with God and with you! Your loved...